I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
