Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
