Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize