he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
