I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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