Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
