Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
