hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
