Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
