It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
