We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
