oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
