Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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