What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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