i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and she was petting her beer can
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
