Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
