I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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