you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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