She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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