I've blown a few things in my day
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
