apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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