honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
