Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
