so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
