Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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