I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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