dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
