god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize