dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
