God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize