In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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