Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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