Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
