So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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