i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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