I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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