Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
