Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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