Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
