we made out on top of his cat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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