I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
