got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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