they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
