I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cockslap morals
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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