Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
