I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
