i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
