just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
