alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
