Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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