I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize