one two three fourrrrnication!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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