the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
