when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize