peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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