Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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