is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I look better un-naked...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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