Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
