i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
