i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
