People in love make me want to vomit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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