Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
