The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
