Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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