I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
