I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
