Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
