the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize