drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and she was petting her beer can
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
