He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
