K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize