Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
