Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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