there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
