I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
