So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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