my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
