Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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