why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
