And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
