They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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