hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize