as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
