No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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