I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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