umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
