everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize