This is not my ceiling
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
