Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
