She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
