so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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