Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
