I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
