he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
