I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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