when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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