we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
