The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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