New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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