He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
