Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
