Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
