she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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