He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
