That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
