can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
